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  1. #1
    Joined
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    Talking The Official Seti Funny Thread

    Women of the World

    An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Canadian were talking about problems
    with their wives.

    The Englishman said:" My wife is a typical English woman.
    When I had enough, I told her that from now on she had to do all the
    cooking herself. The first day I didn't see anything, the second day I
    didn't see anything but on the third day there was a delicious meal on
    the table and it has been the same ever since!"

    The Frenchman told them:" My wife is a real French woman.
    When I had enough, I told her that from now on she had to do the
    cooking and the cleaning herself. The first day I didn't see anything, the
    second day I didn't see anything but on the third day the house was
    spotless and there was a good meal on the table and it has been like
    that ever since!"

    The Canadian said:" My wife is a modern, emancipated, Canadian woman.
    When I had enough, I told her in a stern voice that from now on she had
    to do all the housework herself, washing, cleaning and cooking. The first
    day I didn't see anything, the second day I didn't see anything but on
    the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye!"

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  2. #2
    Joined
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    Boarding the Train

    A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her son playing with his
    new electric train in the living room.

    She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you b.a.s.t.a.r.d.s.
    who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop!

    And all of you b.a.s.t.a.r.d.s. who are getting on, get your low-income
    a.s.s.e.s. in the train, cause we are going down the tracks."

    The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use
    that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and
    you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with
    your train, but I want you to use nice language."

    Two hours later, the boy came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with
    his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "all
    passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of
    your belongings with you.

    We thank you for traveling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant
    one."

    She then hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just
    boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your
    seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a
    pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

    As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are
    pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b.*.*.*.h.
    in the kitchen."

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  3. #3
    Joined
    Feb 2002
    Location
    Austin, TX
    Age
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    Posts
    10,167
    ROFLMAO

    Namek

  4. #4
    Joined
    Feb 2002
    Location
    Indiana
    Posts
    54
    This guy noticed his old lady going into her room about 5pm every night.
    When she came out she always looked much better, baffled the man hides in the room
    to see what she Is doing at 5pm every night.
    ,
    ,
    he sees her look into the mirror and say “ Mirror mirror on the wall make me the most
    beautiful woman of them all” POFF!! She looks ten times better…
    ,
    ,
    ,
    ,
    He thinks I gotta try this out! He waits till she leaves and then runs up to the mirror
    In a hurry and says “Mirror Mirror on the wall make my ••••• touch the floor!!!”
    ,
    ,
    ,
    ,
    ,POFF!!! No Legs!!


    Morg Out!!
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  5. #5
    Joined
    Mar 2002
    Posts
    226
    Two men walk into a bar; the third man ducks.
    <<<"KILLER FROG" STYLE!!



  6. #6
    Joined
    Feb 2002
    Location
    Indiana
    Posts
    54
    This guy goes up to this old farmers house and says “Sir I see some honey suckle out there, do you mind if I get some honey from them” the old farmer says “young man you cant get honey from honey suckle” the young man persists so the farmer says sure go ahead give it a try.

    Few Hours Later

    Young man knocks on the old farmers door with two 5-gallon buckets full of Honey!!

    The old farmer says, “Damn I can’t believe you did that!”

    NEXT DAY

    Young man knocks on door and says to the old farmer “sir I see you got some milk weed out there, would you mind If I milk them?” old farmer says “young man you don’t get milk from milk weed!”

    Few Hours Later

    Young man knocks on the door with two 5-gallon buckets of MILK!!

    Old farmer is scratching his head in disbelief and amazement
    Old farmer says, “I can’t believe you did that, how you do it?”
    Young man just smiles and drives off.

    NEXT DAY

    Young man knocks on door and says to the old farmer “Sir I see you have some ••••• willow out there!” old farmer says

    “HANG ON LET ME GET MY HAT!!!”

    Morg out!!

  7. #7
    Joined
    Aug 2001
    Location
    US of A
    Posts
    982

    You sometimes cannot win

    A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
    As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.
    While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
    "No!" she shrieked, aghast.
    So, he dropped her.
    As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked.
    "Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
    He dropped her, too.
    The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
    "Slut!" he said, and dropped her.
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  8. #8
    Fluff n Stuff's Avatar
    Fluff n Stuff is offline ♫♪♫♪♪♫♪♫♫♪♫♪♪♫♪♫♪♪
    Joined
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    http://www.ucomics.com/foxtrot/viewft.htm

    This link only goes to the correct cartoon today, in the future, I'm referring to the April 16th cartoon, 'nStuff
    Last edited by Fluff n Stuff; 04-16-2002 at 11:50 PM.



  9. #9
    Joined
    Dec 2001
    Posts
    65
    ok... stop me if you've heard this one...

    cinderella is getting ready for the big ball and her fairy godmother gives her a special enchanted diaphragm and says 'this is an enchanted diaphragm and it will turn into a pumpkin at midnight'

    midnight rolls around and cinderella's no where to be found.

    3 o'clock comes and goes and still no cinderella.

    she finally walks in the door at 7 in the morning, hair all messed up, dress halfway unzipped, ridiculously huge grin on her face.
    fairy godmother says 'how is it possible that you were out so late? how can you be walking?? you should have a pumpkin inside you right now!'

    cinderella looks up at her with glazed eyes and says 'i met a guy, his name was peter peter something or other'


  10. #10
    Joined
    Mar 2002
    Posts
    226
    <<<"KILLER FROG" STYLE!!



  11. #11
    Joined
    Nov 2000
    Location
    Toronto, Canada
    Age
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    Posts
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    YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM NORTHERN ONTARIO CANADA WHEN:

    1. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a log truck on the highway.
    2. "Vacation" means going to Sudbury for the weekend.
    3. You measure distance in hours.
    4. You know several people who have hit moose more than once.
    5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
    6. You use a down comforter in the summer.
    7. Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard.
    8. People wear hunting clothes at social events.
    9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
    10. You think of the major food groups as moose meat, fish, and blueberries
    11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them.
    12. There are 4 empty cars running in front of Canadian Tire at any giventime.
    13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
    14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
    15. You think lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas.
    16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter just about winter.
    17. It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item even when you're in a rush
    because you stop and talk to everyone in town.
    18. You actually understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from Northern Ontario


    All true I kid you not
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  12. #12
    Joined
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    2,247

  13. #13
    Fluff n Stuff's Avatar
    Fluff n Stuff is offline ♫♪♫♪♪♫♪♫♫♪♫♪♪♫♪♫♪♪
    Joined
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    7. Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard.
    Are these the same grandparents who will only do 55mph on dry pavement because it saves gas...?


    If so, I think I saw them on vacation over here this winter 'nStuff...



  14. #14
    Joined
    Jul 2001
    Location
    UK
    Age
    50
    Posts
    20,231
    What's brown and sticky?
























    wait for it....
























    A stick

  15. #15
    Joined
    Aug 2001
    Location
    US of A
    Posts
    982
    Ned ... whats borwn and sticky ....


























    Lotsa Beer spilled on the floor, the next day!
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