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  1. #1
    Joined
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Harnett County, N.C.
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    60
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    9,347

    Young priest about to do his first Mass

    Found this on another forum...
    A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
    1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
    2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
    3. There are 12 disciples, not 10
    4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
    5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
    6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
    7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
    8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
    9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ***.
    10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
    11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
    12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
    13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
    14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

  2. #2
    Joined
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Lansing Michigan
    Posts
    106
    Where does molesting little boys fit in to all of this?


    Catholicism = l33t

  3. #3
    Joined
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Harnett County, N.C.
    Age
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    Posts
    9,347
    Originally posted by Walrus King
    Where does molesting little boys fit in to all of this?
    I think no. 14

  4. #4
    Joined
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Lansing Michigan
    Posts
    106
    Funny stuff.
    I must have missed no. 14


    I wonder why you never hear anyone talk about that on the news anymore...

    I guess all the damaged kids are better now? :P

  5. #5
    Joined
    Jul 2001
    Location
    New Jersey
    Age
    37
    Posts
    4,943
    Originally posted by Walrus King
    Funny stuff.


    I wonder why you never hear anyone talk about that on the news anymore...

    1. Sniper
    2. Sniper
    3. Sniper
    5. Sniper
    6. Iraq
    7. Sniper
    8. Bali attack
    9.sniper

  6. #6
    Joined
    Sep 2001
    Location
    Ottawa, ON
    Posts
    1,236
    Oldest joke ever.

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