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  1. #1
    Joined
    Feb 2002
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    Austin, TX
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    Yahoo, AOL, Google and Microsoft walk into a bar...

    This set of events is my take on what happened over the past few weeks between four large companies in the Internet industry.

    This story stems from the MS/Y!/G/AOL thing going around for the past few weeks and I decided to write the story after I read this article:

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080410/...HIvqHwXDob.3QA

    Character descriptions:

    Yahoo: Female, always looking for a good time, a bit confused

    Microsoft: A young Steve Ballmer plays this character - do I need to say more?

    Google: Male, very wealthy, smart, hip and trendy, likes puppies and long (really long) walks on the beach.

    AOL: Male, pretty wealthy, Sometimes clueless, trying to find its way in the world.

    All of the Parent characters: The Government and the shareholders.

    ------------

    The four enter the bar and order some drinks.

    Yahoo: I love hanging out with you guys, we should do this more often.

    Microsoft: Yeah, perhaps we could get closer. *winks*

    Google: I definitely like hanging out here, did you guys see the new gadgets they have up at the bar. They are pretty sweet.

    AOL: I like hanging out with you guys as well as anyone, but I really should be working.

    The four have a reasonably good time - dancing and enjoying themselves late into the night. Closing time comes at the bar and they prepare to head home. Google takes Yahoo aside and says that he had a great time this evening and would love to go out on a date if only Yahoo's parents would agree to it. Sadly, Yahoo's parents don't really like Google's family and don't think it would be a good idea for them to go 1 on 1.

    The next day, Microsoft calls Yahoo.

    Microsoft: Yahoo, I had a great time last night and would like to hook up with you some time.

    Yahoo: Really? Well, my parents say it is okay, but I'm not sure. Let's go out to dinner and talk about it.

    Yahoo tries to think of a way to let Microsoft down easy, but can't really come up with anything by the time of the date.

    Microsoft drops by and picks Yahoo up and they head to a fancier restaurant in town.

    After some small talk, Microsoft really insists on talking about the future of their relationship together. Yahoo hasn't really been enjoying herself and wants out of the situation.

    Microsoft: Yahoo, I've really enjoyed our time together and I want it to last forever. I really like you, even love you, and I want us to take it slow and develop our relationship.

    Yahoo: I don't know Microsoft, this is really going kind of fast for me, I am confused and I am not sure what I really want.

    Microsoft: Okay, well I'll take you home for now. How about this weekend we go out to a movie?

    Yahoo says okay, not really wanting to anger Microsoft, but still wants to find a way to break up this relationship.

    A few days pass and Yahoo still hasn't had any great ideas on how to break up the relationship, but still likes Google way more than Microsoft. Now that Microsoft is pressing the issue a bit more, Yahoo is completely turned off and tries everything to get out of the movie date.

    The movie date day comes and Microsoft drops by Yahoo's house to pick her up. Yahoo tries to pretend that she completely forgot about the date, but her parents insist that she go and she'll have a good time.

    The movie date goes horribly from Yahoo's perspective, but secretly her parents attend the movie as well to see how the relationship is going. Microsoft gives Yahoo a gold bracelet and Yahoo is flustered - confused and worried about how this is going - still secretly in love with Google.

    While all this is happening, AOL changes jobs and is struggling to adapt to his new position, putting in long hours and trying to build a client base. Google spends a week out on his yacht enjoying martinis and fishing while contemplating a way to get Yahoo's parents to like him.

    Yahoo's parents have a talk with Yahoo and tell her that she should continue going out with Microsoft and that he is good for her. She doesn't like this at all and decides to flatly call off the relationship - immediately calling Microsoft to say so.

    Microsoft: Oh, hey Yahoo. I enjoyed the movie with you. What's up?

    Yahoo: *sobbing* Microsoft, I really can't do this. I like you as a friend and all, but I'm in love with Google. I really want to be friends, and my parents want me to go out with you, but I'm just not ready. I can't do this anymore.

    Microsoft: What is this?! I really love you Yahoo and I want us to last forever. This can't end like this and I won't let it. I'm going to talk to your parents about this.

    Microsoft hangs up on Yahoo and is pretty upset.

    Microsoft calls Yahoo's parents and sets up a secret meeting. At the meeting, Microsoft puts on a great act - professing his love to Yahoo and says that he wants to marry her. Yahoo's parents gasp in excitement, but aren't sure what to think - this is going really fast for their daughter, and they're not really sure how she feels about it. They say they'll think about it and the meeting adjourns.

    Yahoo's parents talk with Yahoo and Yahoo clearly states that she hates what Microsoft is doing to her and wants to end the relationship. Yahoo's parents are appalled at this and demand an explanation.

    Yahoo: I am in love with Google! Microsoft bullies me around and I really don't like him, but you want me to go out with him. He does give me nice gifts but it's not really what I want - I want to be with Google.

    Parents: Yahoo, we can not endorse that. It just wouldn't be good for you and we're not sure if that's for the good of the community. Others may look down upon it.

    Yahoo: But I want it to be so!

    Parents: We can not allow that.

    Yahoo cries herself to sleep and resolves to tell Microsoft off again in the morning.

    Morning soon arrives and Yahoo's call to Microsoft is short and to the point. Yahoo is emotionally drained and wants some companionship - but she can't go to Google since her parents are completely against it and she just told Microsoft off - so she decides to call AOL.

    AOL: Hello?

    Yahoo: Hey AOL. Can I come over and talk?

    AOL: Sure, let me straighten up around here.

    Yahoo goes to AOL's studio flat and opens her heart to AOL. AOL takes notice of this and Yahoo clearly wants some companionship. Yahoo embraces AOL and they kiss a long kiss. Looking deeply into each others eyes, AOL professes his long lost love for Yahoo. They make out and enjoy their night together.

    In the morning, Yahoo calls Google and tells him of her new found love - not that he really could do anything about it anyway. Google is let down, but knew that they could never be together anyway. Yahoo promises to make it up to Google and they maintain their relationship as a friends-with-benefits type thing with AOL consenting.

    Yahoo's parents don't oppose AOL, but are somewhat confused as to why Yahoo made such a choice.

    ---------------

    That's pretty much where the story is today...perhaps as events unfold I'll update. For the record, I was pretty bored this evening, and this romeo/juliet + rebound sort of thing that Yahoo has been playing is somewhat amusing.

    Enjoy.

    Alex

  2. #2
    Joined
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    613

    Re: Yahoo, AOL, Google and Microsoft walk into a bar...

    this is probably the most informative synopsis of the situation so far. this sounds like a complete cliche, cookie-cutter, romance novel in the making. kinda scary




  3. #3
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Arkansas/Oklahoma
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    36
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    1,890

    Re: Yahoo, AOL, Google and Microsoft walk into a bar...

    Ha. Funny.
    Soy el caimán seis cincuenta.

  4. #4
    Joined
    Aug 2001
    Posts
    74,684

    Re: Yahoo, AOL, Google and Microsoft walk into a bar...


  5. #5
    Joined
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    Re: Yahoo, AOL, Google and Microsoft walk into a bar...

    So wrong ... so utterly wrong ... so wrong it's front page material


    If I'd been drinking something when I read that; you'd owe me a new keyboard Namek!

  6. #6
    Joined
    Feb 2002
    Location
    Austin, TX
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    10,167

    Re: Yahoo, AOL, Google and Microsoft walk into a bar...

    Quote Originally Posted by molestedbyasus View Post
    So wrong ... so utterly wrong ... so wrong it's front page material


    If I'd been drinking something when I read that; you'd owe me a new keyboard Namek!
    Hah - I'm glad you enjoyed it.

    As for the front page, the first thing I thought was "Oh crap - what have I started?!" but then I remembered that this is the Internet, and I put it out in the public space so I'm already screwed.

    Alex

  7. #7
    Joined
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    Re: Yahoo, AOL, Google and Microsoft walk into a bar...

    too late by far



    hmmm ... who's next

  8. #8
    Joined
    Apr 2007
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    613

    Re: Yahoo, AOL, Google and Microsoft walk into a bar...

    what about News Corp. ???




  9. #9
    Joined
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    Re: Yahoo, AOL, Google and Microsoft walk into a bar...

    Quote Originally Posted by minibeardeath View Post
    what about News Corp. ???
    You know, I wanted to include them, but I couldn't think of a really good way to fit them into the story. They're kind of Microsoft's friends-with-benefits from my point of view.

    Alex

  10. #10
    Joined
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    613

    Re: Yahoo, AOL, Google and Microsoft walk into a bar...

    or they cud be the creepy friend who watches as microsoft makes-out w/ yahoo




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